Stimulate This

Deja Vu all over again with President Obama's stimulus plan. Wake me when it actually includes job expansion.

Snore* on the Republican debate. Wake me when it is actually worth listening to.

I have some ideas.

Propose a reality television show for those who want vanity plates. Don Rickles, Dennis Miller, Rosie O and Chris Rock can all be judges. Everyone applying for a plate is on the show; a contestant can keep the plate with a mix of majority votes from the public and the judges. If a contestant's vanity plate is dismissed, their plate is cut up by a federal inmate and fitted with a new standard plate. Money from advertisers go directly to Transportation/Infrastructure needs.

Outlaw women's pant suits and soul patches.

Run NASA like Star Trek, fitting all ships with lasers and messing around with food materializing in our bedrooms. In the same vein, I would like lasers attached to our cars to bully slow drivers out of the fast lane.

Candidates participate in the Thunderdome. "Two men enter! One man leaves!" Fuck this debate crap.

Moderator Jim: Lady Elaine, this question is directed to you from some random person in the audience we do not know, and have not hand picked to ask you a question we are sure you didn't prepare for at all . . . Do you believe puppets can run the presidency as well as humans?

Lady Elaine: Thank you, Jim, for inviting me to this important debate. I appreciate all of the work you and your staff have put into this event. To answer yourimportant question, which is on the minds of many Americans out there now, watching this semi-live broadcast of candidates for the United States Presidency, I can tell you from personal experience that my friends and I, who are as different and diverse as America herself, certainly deserve a chance to run for President, as it is the foundation of the American Dream, the dream we all have when we are little; the dream that pushes us to have a life far better than our ancestors; the dream that I know for sure, Mitt, Rick and Michelle will destroy for us and our children if they are given the chance to represent you into a Socialist, Masonic, Godless future country. . .

Moderator Jim: Times up, Lady Elaine. Thank you. Rick, would you like to respond?

Rick Perry: Thank you Jim for allowing me to attend this great event, one that allows Americans to pick who will represent them in the Presidency and I am honored to be a candidate for this position, which I do not take lightly. I do believe everyone should be able to be president who was born here in America . . .AAAAAAAAAAaaaarrrrrrrggggggggggggg I'm bored with my own parody!!!!!

Or how about a Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot contest, winner takes all?

Naming Betty White as running mate.

Actually being honest.